


to be a hero

by hopeless_hope



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Goldgraves if you squint, Hurt/Comfort, Mentor/Protégé, Panic Attack, bc I just really love sad things, being an Auror is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:29:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_hope/pseuds/hopeless_hope
Summary: "How do we know that what we do doesn't just leave more brokenness in our wake? That we're not getting rid of one kind of darkness only to replace it with a different kind?"In which Tina has questions about what being an Auror means, and Graves may or may not have answers.





	to be a hero

Two killed.

They were bad people, involved in an underground trade of dark objects and illegal potions ingredients, many which were tested on animals kept in cramped cages. As soon as the Aurors had arrived to raid the base of their operation, many of the smugglers surrendered immediately. Many fought back. And those particular two suffered the consequences of their actions.

But still. No one in the Auror Department enjoyed taking a life.

Percival Graves sits at his desk and watches his Aurors quietly. He always keeps the door to his office open. People walk in and out enough that keeping it closed was rather pointless, and it helps his Aurors view him as more approachable, despite his cool and almost stoic exterior.

Most of his Aurors are currently hunched over their desks working on their follow-up reports from the raid. Dusk is beginning to fall and one by one, they each get up and walk to his desk, handing him their reports.

When Auror Hansen stands before him, Graves studies the younger man's face carefully. He'd taken the life of one of the two men. It wasn't his first kill, but no one ever got used to taking someone's life. If they did, Graves thought, they'd be unfit for further duty. To become desensitized to such a thing would be the ultimate loss. Acceptance, however, is important, and the line between the two is a tricky one.

"My report, sir," Hansen says shortly, holding the folder out in front of him. His shoulders are tense, as are the lines of his eyes and the tight, downward pull of his lips.

Graves watches him for a second more before taking the folder.

"Take tomorrow off, Hansen." Graves firmly believes in allowing his Aurors time to grieve over the sacrifice they've made to protect their community, for the choice that was pressed upon them, the weight they'd never quite let go of.

Hansen straightens his posture, eyes hardening. "That won't be necessary, sir." _I'm alright_ , he's saying, _I'll make it through again._ Graves nods thoughtfully to let him know he gets the message. But still...

"That's an order, Hansen. You're long overdue for a day off anyway. Take a day to unwind, spend a little time with your wife and son. You've earned it."

For all of his hard ass persona, Graves is a kind man. For a second, Hansen opens his mouth as if to protest before shutting it again, eyes softening and shoulders slumping in relief.

"Thank you, sir. Have a good night," he says gratefully, before walking out of the office.

Graves flips through the numerous reports, reading and signing off on each one. It's tedious, time-consuming work but it's a necessary evil. When he's finished with the ones in front of him, he realizes there is still one Auror who hasn't turned their report in.

A quick scan tells him the bullpen outside his office is mostly dark now, save for the glow of one desk lamp and a lone figure sitting there. Glancing at the clock, he realizes it's almost a quarter till midnight, and he frowns in concern.

Graves quietly makes his way over to the Auror, coming to a soft stop in front of the desk. The figure tenses slightly but keeps her head down, acknowledging his presence but unwilling to say anything.

Graves keeps his voice soft, as though talking to a frightened animal.

"Tina."

Tina Goldstein, who had graduated top of her class at Illvermorny and became his protégé at the Auror Academy. Tina, an orphan who refused to let the world keep her down, who worked hard to become the rising star she undoubtedly is. Tina, who wears her heart on her sleeve and is all compassion and kindness wrapped around an unwavering core of steel.

Tina, who had taken someone's life for the first time today.

Graves waits for a moment, and when Tina finally looks up, he almost winces at the naked pain in her eyes. With trembling hands, she holds the folder out to him.

"The man I killed - " her voice cracks on the word, broken pieces that tear her up upside, and she pauses to regain her composure. "His name was Stewart Seeley. Age 37, married with a wife and two little girls named Rae Ann and Becky. Two little girls who will now have to grow up without their father."

"Tina," Percival tries to interject as he takes the folder.

She shakes her head almost frantically, not wanting to hear an objection, not allowing anything that might soften the blow of what she'd done.

" _No_. Two little girls are now going to have to grow up fatherless because of a decision _I_ made. A wife is now widowed because of someone else's choice - _my_ choice."

Of course. Percival could smack himself for not realizing sooner. Tina and her sister had lost their parents at a young age. It makes sense that Tina, ever the compassionate one, would identify with those little girls. He sees the nearly overwhelming guilt in her eyes, threatening to sweep her away. She looks away, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Tina, look at me," Percival says firmly. He waits until her eyes snap back to him before he speaks again. He's known her for years, knows that if he doesn't do this now, she will torment herself over and over with this.

"Those girls are without a father because of a choice _he_ made. He chose to be a part of that ring. He decided to fight. You just did your job, Tina."

She swallows thickly, and he hates the look of self-loathing on her face.

"Maybe... Maybe that's the problem. If this is the job I... I can't, I - oh my god - I _can't_ , this isn't - "

She cuts off, choking on a breath and struggling to get it back. Percival allows alarm to color his face as she starts trembling in earnest, and he quickly walks around the desk to crouch in front of her. She's completely worked up now, silent tears streaming down her pale face. Her fists are clenched tightly, knuckles white and nails biting into skin.

"Tina, look at me. Deep breaths. I know it's hard, but you've got to calm down, okay? Look - _focus_ , Tina, come on." Percival keeps his voice low and soothing.

Cautiously, he reaches out to place gentle hands on her wrists, rubbing soothing circles into her skin, trying to ground her. Due to the nature of their job, panic attacks aren't uncommon in this field. Every Auror is taught various breathing exercises to keep them calm both on the field and afterwards. Likewise, Aurors are also taught techniques to help bring others down.

This is not the first time Percival has found himself in this position, and he's certain it will not be the last. Percival can recall one other time he's had to do this for Tina, and that was back when she was a trainee in the Academy.

He calmly continues to talk her through it until her grip slackens and her breathing evens out. He watches her put herself back together, knowing any further move to help her would only be insulting. Her eyes clear and she grabs a cloth to wipe her face. She pushes her shoulders back and tips her chin up defiantly, as if expecting some sort of reprimand for her outburst. Percival allows himself a small smile, just a slight quirk of his lips, at her strength.

He goes to his feet, holding back a groan at his protesting knees, and reaches over to turn Tina's lamp off and deposit the folder in his briefcase.

He then holds out his arm in front of Tina.

"May I?"

Without question, she places her hand on his arm and allows herself to be swept into constricting darkness before reappearing at her boss' side down the street from her and Queenie's apartment. They silently begin to walk the rest of the way, before Tina clears her throat to speak again.

"I became an Auror because, well because of my parents, but also because I wanted to help people. I wanted to save them." She pauses, trying to gather her words into something that will make sense to more than just herself, and Percival waits patiently, knowing she needs this.

"Objectively, I knew - I _know_ \- this is part of the job. But... This doesn't... It doesn't feel like helping or saving." She looks at him, eyes almost pleading and he immediately wishes he could wrap his arms around her and protect her from this part of the job. "How do we know that what we do doesn't just leave more brokenness in our wake? That we're not getting rid of one kind of darkness only to replace it with a different kind?"

From that very first day in the Academy when he'd been assigned to her, Percival had seen the glow in her eyes, the same optimism that resided in every trainee who liked to believe that Aurors are some sort of hero. Eventually, through time and experience, they learn to know better. Some can handle it and some can't. So he chooses his next words carefully.

"The truth is, we can't. We can't guarantee that. We aren't meant to be heroes who do no wrong. But we _are_ meant to be the kind of people who judge each and every situation we go into carefully, and to the best of our ability, react in a way that both upholds the law and harms as few people as possible. It's not so black and white, as the law often leads us to believe. Mostly, it's grey area, and sometimes..." He trails off with a heavy sigh.

"Sometimes there isn't any way to win."

There's a look of disappointment in her eyes, but also one of deep understanding and he thinks that maybe she'll be okay. They come to a stop in front of her building and for a moment, they allow silence to sit between them comfortably as she thinks over his words.

He studies her as she looks away and worries at her bottom lip, a tell he's made a mental note to break her out of eventually. She seems to come to a decision because when she looks back at him again, he sees some of that steel core and fierce determination peeking through.

"Thank you, Mr. Graves."

He gives her shoulder a slight squeeze and gives a nod of acknowledgment. She goes to turn away just before,

"Goldstein? Take the rest of the week off."

She tosses him a slight smile before disappearing into the building as he Apparates home.

-:-

When Percival walks into work the next morning (way too early for his liking), he stops in surprise on the way to his office.

Tina is sitting at her desk filling out some forms.

She must feel his gaze because she looks up, jutting her jaw out defiantly as if daring him to send her home. He only barely keeps himself from laughing aloud. That spunk is always what made him so fond of her.

He just gives a small smile and a nod before heading to his office. He needn't have worried, he realizes.

She'll be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's been ages since I've written anything but this has been picking at my brain for awhile now. I'm sorry for any errors or if it's just bad. I may or may not write a couple more one-shots centered around the mento/protégé relationship between these two. No promises though. Please let me know what you think of this, and I hope you enjoyed it!


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